So hey, hi. I haven’t written a lot lately, but that doesn’t mean my brain has stopped churning ideas. In fact, the old Grey Matter has been busy with the toing-and-froing of thoughts lately, thus I shall pour some of those thoughts here, just because.
Lately my mind has often wondered to the spiritual realms, so I think a lot about God. I wonder about His existence, about His mercy, about His judgement. Sometime ago, I think it was in grade school, a teacher told me that if man were to try to find God, then man would go crazy. Now, I don’t know whether this specific piece of knowledge is true or false, but it managed to scare me, I must admit. I get curious you see, and about a lot of things that can’t really be explained by science and/or facts alone. Now don’t get me wrong, I have never ever doubted His existence, I am just curious as to how He exists. Some say He is up above watching over us, others say that He is inside all of us. I prefer to believe that He is somehow inside of me, that He is connected to me in such a personal way and that I’m just His little buddy. I prefer to believe that He is somehow inside of all of us, but every so often, there are human actions that causes me to believe otherwise.
Another thought that often occurs to me is the God-and-man paradigm itself. During my growth and development, I have heard a lot about this paradigm. Some say that God controls humans’ fate, but to what extent does He control these fates? Does that mean He controls our choices as well? Or is He simply aware of it, yet let humans control their own fates? If the former is true, that is, He controls our choices, then wouldn’t the concept of Heaven and Hell be somewhat unfair? Or isn’t it? Then again, if the latter is true - being that He let humans control their own fates - then that leaves humans with such a great power; the power to be their own Gods.
Then there is the third question, why? Why are we here? Why did God put us in this world? Again, a grade-school teacher of mine taught me that God created humans because He wanted to spread His love. I accept this premise at the time, but now I’m not so sure. If He did wanted to spread His love, then why did He seek to punish those who defy Him and His rules (again, through the concept of Hell/redemption)? Is there even a Heaven and a Hell?
All these questions, and still so much more. At times, I even get minor migraines from having all these notions just buzzing through my consciousness. I guess, all you need to do is believe, isn’t it? Once you have faith in something, then that something will be apparent to you despite its actual existence, or others’ grasp of its existence.
But then, what happens to those who choose not to believe? Who or what do they turn to? Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against those who choose not to believe, but as every aforementioned question proves, I am merely curious. If one does choose to not believe in a higher power, then what guides them through life? What/whom do they pray to when they need comfort, or safety, or even reason? Life is tough enough to face even with a little faith, let alone no faith at all. But in the end, faith is to be believed, and to believe in one aspect of a faith is to believe its other aspects. Isn’t it?
Alas, this particular train of thought of mine may have no end, so I shall leave it here, or else the migraines will start kicking in. Maybe, just maybe, what my teacher said is right. If man were to search for God, they would go insane, for maybe He is an ineffable concept which only needs to be believed in. Just have faith in Him, and trust that He is there, and so He shall be.
“Faith and doubt both are needed - not as antagonists, but working side by side to take us around the unknown curve. “
Sidenote: I understand that faith is a personal and at times, a somewhat sensitive subject, so let me just say that I write this post with no judgment whatsoever to whoever is opposed to anything I say. In addition, I apologize if there are anything I wrote that may have offended the readers. This is, after all, just my two cents on life. X